I recently read Nadia Bolz-Weber’s newest book (thanks, Gay Shaver for the gift) entitled “Accidental Saints: Finding God in All the Wrong People.”  I was truly excited to read it because Nadia intrigues me.  She is what I call a game-changer – meaning that when I began reading her book, I was fairly comfortable with where I was in my life and in my faith…then here she comes, in all her tattooed, foul-mouthed glory and completely shakes me up.

I love reading things that challenge me to work within myself, helping move me towards defining who I really am. Beginning to define myself (again) is important because of the old patterns of who I had become. Working with this book, I began to feel like I needed to develop some sort of “mission statement,” describing my goals and intentions, the shape I want my life to take and the direction of my writing. 

Nadia says, “So your brokenness is fertile ground for a forgiving God to make something new, something beautiful. So don’t ever think that all you have to offer is your gifts, because God is going to use you too, God is going to use all of you, and the world better watch out.” I do believe that goes for hard, tough situations in which you may find yourself – and for me – right now – it is my incarceration.

When I first came to prison, I was completely, horribly depressed.  I felt as though there was no purpose in life for me and a darkness surrounded me.  As the months have ticked off, I came to realize just how wrong I was.  Now it is obvious that I have been called to be a servant in my own way.  And, as Nadia puts it, “I’m not running after Jesus; Jesus is running my ass down.”

When I finally came to terms with my reality many months ago, a few key decisions were made related to how I wanted to change.  It was made clear to me what I was called to do.

I am called to help, and to work with those who have struggled with the very things I have been through, and, to work with the families who have experienced what my own family has experienced.

Every day, I try to relate to the guys in here with me and to be there for them; this is a tough place to be.  So many of them have no support system, no letters from home, nobody to come visit – and the hopelessness it creates works its way out in not such good ways.  I try to be there and talk with them and encourage them – be their friend.

This blog is also a way I can be a servant.  It is a way to help educate those who don’t understand, send hope to those going through similar situations, and to tell about God’s grace that I have come to hang on to.  It has been healing for me to get these thoughts out, and the positive response I have received is something I am so thankful for.

One of the newest things we are doing (with the help of my wonderful mother) is the creation of an email address for various reasons.  For those who request, notifications will be sent out when a new blog has been posted, but we also hope it will be used to share what we have learned about addiction, share information about treatment options, or just to say hi!

Shortly after the email was set up, one of the first contacts was something that has and will continue to have a strong impact on my life.  The email was from a mother who lost her daughter to addiction.  As my mom read the email to me, tears streamed steadily down my face and my mom could hardly read the words.  This mother encouraged me to continue my recovery and that anyone saved would “help shrink the hole in my heart.”

 

My mom and I had to cut that call short as I attempted to regain my composure.  Crying in prison is not really accepted!  Later I called mom back so she could respond to the email that had moved me so much. I told this broken-hearted mother that every time I look into the eyes of someone who walks in the shoes that both her daughter and I have walked, I will be doing it in her memory as well as all the others who have needlessly lost their lives to addiction. I meant those words from the bottom of my heart. Her daughter will not be forgotten, and the struggles we shared will be my motivation to help others find recovery.

Too many mothers cry. Too many children are buried in this country due to addiction.  I will not give up.  I will serve “my people” to the best of my ability.  That is my life’s mission.

Nadia says in her book, “If I got what I deserved in this life, I’d be screwed – so instead, I receive grace for what it is: a gift.” Grace, along with another chance and a little hope was freely given to me even though I did not deserve it.  I will spend my life living grace and hope, and will live to give it away as freely as it was given to me.  

Contact me - howwestworks@gmail.com. I love to hear from you.  It helps keep me motivated.

 

#letgracesetthepace