I received a letter last night from someone who explained in detail the affect that addiction had taken on her life.  As I read her words it was as if a movie about my life was playing in my head.

The story consisted of a young man, her brother, who lost his life while in the midst of addiction leaving behind a little blonde headed daughter. The letter went on to explain the effects addiction had taken on her life as it ripped her family apart.  Although not an addict herself, she witnessed addiction her whole life, teaching her many life lessons.

In a small part of the letter, she writes of what addiction (sur-addiction, as she calls it)  did to her family.  She says "sur-addiction is the thing that said I never mattered enough. Sur-addiction took a normal happy family photo and threw it in the fire.  That is the worst part.  It's not the pain caused or the bad memories given. It's the happiness stolen."

After reading those words, I almost lost my breath.  Thoughts of my own sisters, brothers, parents, others that I love, and my beautiful blonde-headed daughter began to consume my regret-filled mind.  I thought of my own family dynamic and how "sur-addiction" played parts in pulling our family apart in various ways.

Now I live my life wanting and willing to piece that family back together because a second chance was give to a me, of all people - a hopeless junkie.

The truth of it, really, is that addiction is a disease that affects every member of the family, not just the one who is addicted.  For a long time, I thought I was the only one being hurt because I was injecting drugs into my veins.  In actuality, my family and everything I loved was inside that syringe every time I pushed that liquid into my veins.  Or, every time that needle found its way to my arm it was if I was injecting them with that poison.

The disease of addiction is, without a doubt, a family disease.  It almost always entails a long line of co-dependency.  Mothers want to save their child who is losing that battle with addiction.  Dads may continuously give his child money for drugs because the stories and the manipulation is so perfected, and the desire to belive the nightmare is over is so real. Sometimes parents turn a blind eye to their child getting high in a bedroom because it 's safer that way.  All these things, and hundreds more, done in hopes of hiding that addiction from the public eye.

These things are natural reactions, parental and family instincts to protect and try to save their loved one, when in all honesty, they are hurting and enabling the addiction to continue.

My family has been robbed of happiness for a long time.  But while I live in active recovery, I can begin to piece together that broken family dynamic.  Although there are some that still hold resentments toward me for my past and the actions that landed me in prison, I hope as I continue on the path of recovery without looking back that just maybe I can regain those relationships in some form or fashion.

To families dealing with addiction - there are resources available to you, the first one being Al-Anon, designed especially for those who love an addict.  It is a 12-step format group that teaches families how to set boundaries necessary to help their loved one. It teaches about various aspects of addiction and allows a safe haven where they can speak freely of the daily problems encountered when living with an addict.

I stand with the families of addicts just as much as I stand with my people - the addicted. When an addict is mean, hateful, belligerent, or anything in between towards you, remember it is not genuinely directed at you. The truth is, the shame and anger they feel towards themselves is expressed in lashing out to the ones they love and feel they have disappointed.  It is painful and it is hurtful, but it is one of the destructive aspects of the disease.

If you are interested finding resources - families OR addict - please use the email (howwestworks@gmail.com) and we will do our best to provide whatever information we can find.

Know more than anything that you are not alone.  There are people just like you who are dealing with the same problems.  There is comfort and support when connecting with those who understand your pain.

May God bless you and keep you, and as always -
#letgracesetthepace.

#addiction #recovery #heroinaddiction #grace